Underwear is the foundation upon which we build our appearance. Great underwear has the power to radically change the body shape, to improve posture and make an off-the-rack dress appear worthy of the red carpet! Poorly fitting, mediocre underwear has the power to sabotage and wreck an outfit!
Underwear, because it is worn beneath outer garments (and not seen in the same way that outer garments are seen) gets pushed down to the end of the chain when we consider style relevance.
Well, actually, underwear can often be seen (or at least glimpsed) through outer fabrics which is why there should be just two undergarment colours in your wardrobe – nude and black.
Apart from (and perhaps worse than underwear being seen through fabric), are the dents and bulges, the muffin tops, the spillage and the depressions that poorly fitting underwear make on the body. These absolutely do impact on our outer garments.
There is no reason why underwear cannot be both sexy and supportive at the same time. We don’t have to choose between one and the other to obtain excellence in undergarments, but as we age we do start to demand more from our underwear.
We expect support and shape in all areas southbound. Underwear has to upholster us and it has to work hard. Our undergarments should lift, smooth, shape, mould, minimize and slim away the kilos.
Some of us need miracles and they are there, a lucky dip ready and waiting for us in the lingerie and hosiery shops and departments of our favourite stores! Anything is possible when the correct undergarments are worn. You can wear the dress that you thought you’d never zip up again, and you can re-visit some styles (but not all!) that you haven’t worn for years.
Shapewear - or witches britches?
There’s recently been a marketing push to get every female into shapewear which is the newer name for the old-fashioned foundation garments such as corsets and girdles. However, today’s shapewear is not the stuff of stiff fabric, a zillion tiny flesh coloured hooks and eyes and thin plastic boning that our mothers wore in their heyday. Modern shapewear is an engineering marvel of seamless criss-crossing panels, stretchy pleats and firming geometrics designed to fold, tuck, diminish, compress, disguise and otherwise create a sexy silhouette.
Shapewear is the underwear of the stars. Celebrities wear all kinds of different shapewear to eliminate bumps and control any little wobbly bits threatening to bulge through the gorgeous designer numbers they walk the red carpet in.
There is shapewear available to address every issue we can think of from the neck down to the knees. There are all-in-ones, half tops, tank tops, bike shorts, elongated bottoms, slips, bands and sleeves, all melting with promise and waiting to leap from their folds, hangers or boxes onto your body to work their magic.
But shapewear comes at a price. If you go the shapewear route:
- Seek professional help from a shapewear specialist. There’s a mind-blowing collection of shapewear incarnations to whittle the waist, slim the hips, hide the butt, enhance the bust, disguise a Buddha belly and conceal saddle-bag thighs. A specialist will advise the correct shapewear to manage your personal body issues without creating a mono-boob or a bubble butt.
- Buy shapewear in nude colours for greatest wearing flexibility.
- Go shapewear shopping alone, in cool weather and allow at least two hours in the changing room.
- Cut, file and buff your fingernails very short (about 2mm) before you go shapewear shopping. Tugging and pulling the garments over hips, thighs and the upper torso requires dexterity and strength (you haven’t a hope if your fingers are arthritic). It’s easy to snap a nail, or worse, poke your finger through the fabric of a garment you don’t want to purchase. You could consider wearing a pair of cotton gloves!
I hurled myself around a lot of dressing room floors attempting to test-drive shapewear for this book. Every garment was tight and hot (unfortunately not in a good way!). Those I did manage to shoehorn myself into magically produced extra muffin tops and bubble-over bulges in addition to those I already possess! Some brands were never going to fit me in a million years and others were very snug, to have persevered would have taken more fortitude than I could muster! An information tag on one garment even suggested the wearer take a size increase! I jumped four sizes and it still wouldn’t go near me! Another label incredibly claimed that one size fits all. All what?
You might prefer to celebrate your curves (as I have decided) rather than put yourself through that hell!
Medium priced department stores and chain stores are good places to start a shapewear search. Allow yourself plenty of time and be prepared to go up several sizes.
Pantyhose
Pantyhose present a comfortable and practical option to shapewear. Newer pantyhose offer the choice of control briefs, thigh shaping or butt tucking contours (or a combination of all three) and are available from the hosiery departments of department stores and mass retailers.
A control brief extending above the waistline to just below the bra line provides moderate tummy control, mid torso support and will help create a smooth line beneath outer garments. The size guide on the back of a packet of pantyhose is only a guide, and it varies from brand to brand. If you are a goddess shape or even just a little curvaceous, buy at least the next size up from your usual size. Too small pantyhose don’t allow the crotch to reach its destination and it will end up swinging sling-like at mid thigh –unattractive!
Although bare legs look fabulous and are the of-the-moment style statement, they aren’t always appropriate, and not everyone feels comfortable exposing them. If you prefer not to reveal your bare gams have a browse in your local hosiery department. There’s an awesome choice of pattern, textures and shades available:
Sheers
Sheer pantyhose with a little shimmer, a little sheen or a little gloss in a fine denier will hold any moderately wobbly bits in, and help disguise cellulite while providing warmth and camouflage! Pantyhose with a lot of shimmer can highlight less than perfect legs, so if you don’t want to draw attention to your legs look for pantyhose containing just a hint of sheen.
Sheer black pantyhose are the obvious choice for an overall slimming effect.
Nude coloured pantyhose must be sheer to look youthful and elegant! Any nude coloured pantyhose thicker than 15 deniers scream “Old Lady!”
Generally the higher the heel and the more open the shoe is, the sheerer the pantyhose should be.
Don’t even think about wearing nude pantyhose with a reinforced toe with open toe footwear. Hosiery counters stock beautiful lustrous pantyhose that are sheer, silky and toeless.
Toeless pantyhose are constructed with double openings at the toes. The smaller opening loops around the big toe and the slighter larger opening goes around your other toes, exposing all the toes. Toeless pantyhose are comfortable, strong and lightweight with perfect skin tone colours for sensational ‘summer legs’ all year round. Have a pedicure before you wear them so your feet look their absolute best!
Fishnets
Fishnets are always in style; a small net in basic black or midnight gives the illusion of hazy, sensual legs. Nude fishnets give subtle texture to the legs. Choose a small net and leave wide holes and lurid colours for the teenagers. Wide diamond fishnets allow surplus flesh to bulge through the holes whereas small diamonds hold flesh challenges in. Look for fishnets with a smooth control brief where the net stops at the top of the thigh so you don’t end up with a grid on your butt.
Colours and Opaques
Pantyhose should blend with your hemline and footwear, while helping your legs to look long, lean, subtle and sophisticated. A big ask! Opaque tights or pantyhose fall at the dense end of the denier gauge (sheer pantyhose are at the other end) so there’s a danger of buying a pair that are too thick, adding unnecessary bulk to the legs. Look for semi-opaque pantyhose around the 30 denier mark, in solid colours for the autumn and winter seasons, but nothing too weird. Brown, black, midnight and grey are all fashion staples. You might want to go a bit out there with red, plum or burgundy. Yellow or green make the legs look like trees, white coloured opaque tights are reminiscent of 1960’s nursing sisters. Opaque pantyhose look too thick in spring and summer, go sheer instead.
Prints, patterns and textures
So many gorgeous patterns, so little opportunity to wear them! Actually, most patterns are not flattering. If you really fancy wearing patterned tights go for a small, all-over pattern in the same colour as the background colour.
Stripes are distorted by the natural curve of the calf, all-over dots can make the legs appear spotty, wide lacy patterns make the leg look as though spiders are crawling over it and a designer logo near the inner ankle can look like a tattoo. On top of all this, there is nothing redeeming about tartans, checks, plaids or bouquets of flowers creeping up the legs!
Seams:
Plain back seams (or those stitched with shiny metallic thread if the pantyhose are black, sheer and being worn in the evening) look really sexy disappearing up the back of the calves, provided the pantyhose have been put on straight and are teamed with elegant heeled shoes.
Spray on tan
Are you concerned about your bare legs looking like a couple of white sausages at the beginning of summer? Try one of the excellent, reasonably priced tanning products formulated especially for legs. First exfoliate and de-fuzz the legs so you get the best look you possibly can from the tanning product. Rub a fine film of body lotion over the legs to help the tanning lotion distribute evenly. Apply the solution, starting at the ankle and working towards the knees, massaging it in as you go.
Spray on stockings
Once upon a time there was no such thing as leg make-up. The more intrepid amongst us experimented with pan-stick face make-up or thick foundation to cover up prominent leg veins, often with messy results. The make-up leeched off the legs and onto any surface we sat upon (including our clothes) and we had no confidence that our legs looked any better anyway.
Now leg shines, sprays and polishes are available to cover imperfections. The products stay on, giving the legs a flawless, bare and polished appearance without smudging everywhere. They are readily available from department stores, some pharmacies and some mass retailers, reasonably priced and easy to apply. Well worth considering!
For you to know: If purple patches of spidery veins around the backs of the knees, thighs or inner ankles are an issue, try rubbing a topical bruise cream such as Lasonil or Hirudoid over them. While the cream is not a permanent solution, it will help the bruised colour diminish or disappear for a short time.
Finally, three pantyhose points:
· It is okay to wear pantyhose with closed-toe footwear
· It is okay not to wear pantyhose with closed-toe footwear
· It is never, ever, ever okay to wear closed-toe pantyhose with open-toed footwear!
Contour Couture
In our younger years some of us, in our quest for emancipation, burnt our bras and blithely wafted with an occasional nod to decorum by sticking on nipple-concealing bandaids. The more brazen of us totally discarded our underwear, and endured a few draughty commando years until we reassessed our wisdom! What were we thinking?
Now, as our summer years loom most of us prefer to be comfortably upholstered in a bra.
And most of us (70% of women according to a leading bra manufacturer) are sabotaging our appearance by wearing the wrong bra in the wrong size! That’s an astonishing percentage of women walking around in a bra that is too big or too small. Experts suggest we are fitted for a new bra annually – perhaps that is a little excessive!
It is worthwhile being expertly fitted for a bra if you are:
- Switching styles (cut and cup sizes are rarely constant even within the same brand).
- If you’ve had a 2kg – 3kg weight gain or loss, breast surgery including reduction, mastectomy, implants or lift.
- Or if your breast size has altered as a result of exercise and diet. (Or lack of it!).
When we are young our breasts are firm because they are made up of more glandular tissue than fat. Loss of estrogen comes with menopause and the balance tips in the opposite direction; our glandular tissue diminishes and fat increases. This makes the breasts softer, more pendulous, sometimes a bit bigger and sensitive to weight changes. Most of us can no longer rely on cute little lacy numbers to make our breasts sit pert and pretty, we need something stronger to hoist ‘em up, to separate or inflate, lift or squeeze them!
The right bra can make us look ten years younger and five kilos trimmer. Money forked out for excellent underwear is well spent - even if the garments are never seen by anyone.
Nude coloured underwear is really the only colour to have in the lingerie drawer, supplemented with a smattering of black pieces. White is the most popular bra colour, but nude actually looks better beneath pale coloured tops because it fades to insignificance. White can be quite ‘out there’.
However, if a nude bra is worn beneath an even slightly see-through dark top it can show through the fabric and look quite nasty. A black bra blends and disappears to give a much more youthful and elegant look!
The average bra size in Australasia and Europe is 14D. Most of us are wearing bras that do not provide proper uplift. The correct bra gives an instant breast-lift, allowing you to wear and look good in clothes you haven’t worn for years. A bra is the most important underwear item we wear, when we get it right our outer garments look terrific instead of just ok. The right bra pushes the breasts forward and upward giving the torso a leaner, shapely look and a long-lost waistline could even make a guest appearance!
So, where are your girls? With today’s newer bras there is absolutely no excuse for your breasts to be jiggling long and low around the elastic of your knickers, or harnessed into a monoboob, or disappearing into your chest cavity.
Take the southbound breast-test:
Put on your bra and stand in front of the mirror. Measure the distance from the top of your shoulder to the inside crease of your elbow using a metal ruler (or any rigid ruler). Calculate half way between the two and make a tiny dot on your inner arm with a pen. Now place the ruler on the tiny dot and angle it horizontally across your bust. Where is your nipple? If it is residing in the correct place (in line with your halfway mark) the ruler should brush it. If the ruler doesn’t brush it, (your nipple is likely to be lower, beneath the ruler) you are in the wrong bra.
There are dozens of tables available to help determine bra size, but they aren’t particularly accurate. Plus there’s always that bit of self doubt in how accurate we are when we measure ourselves; and physically it can be quite difficult.
- It is well worth consulting a professionally trained bra specialist to get the correct bra. Go to the store in the morning early in the week rather than later, make sure the sales aren’t on, take a white or pale coloured, medium to tight fitting tee shirt with you, go solo and allow yourself plenty of time.
- Bra fitting is not a task to be rushed. You really do not need a companion huffing and puffing and carrying on outside the fitting room because you are taking too long. You want to get this right, so take time, especially if this is your first serious visit.
- Bear in mind there really is no stock-standard size. With so many brands out there offering so many shapes and styles it is almost impossible to gauge across the board sizing. For example you could find a 34C fits you in one style and 36D in another. Buy the bra that fits and if you don’t like the size tag, cut it off when you get it home.
- There is not one brand to suit every body; our shapes are all so different. Expect to do a lot of trying on before you find the correct bra. It’s worth it!
- Most lingerie consultants in the department stores are at least partially employed by brand manufacturers who award the consultants bonuses, pay them commission on sales, or pay their wages in conjunction with the department store. Consequently the consultants are loyal to the brand in which they are trained and will steer you towards that brand.
- It is unusual for a bra specialist to physically measure you. Generally the most you can expect is an ‘eyeball’ measurement once you have put a new bra on, and suggestions of alternatives in regard to size, cup size and styles that could suit you.
- Take at least six different styles into the fitting rooms. The white tee shirt will help test drive each bra. Put the bra on and pull the tee shirt over the top. Look in the mirror from all angles. If the bra doesn’t give you a nice rounded shape, if the straps dig in and allow flesh spillage or back cleavage and it all shows when the tee shirt is pulled on, then that bra style or size is not the one for you. Try on the next one.
When a bra fits correctly it should not be uncomfortable or painful. Here’s the heads up on bra fitting:
- The centre of the bra should lie flat against your breastbone and not gape.
- The cups should not bulge, crease or pucker. Your breasts should be enclosed within each cup and not spilling out the sides, over the top or from underneath.
- The shoulder straps should sit firmly over your shoulders but not dig in.
- The band should fit snugly and run horizontally around your body. It shouldn’t ride up your back.
- The underwires should sit flat against your body without digging in. They should contain your breasts without resting on any breast tissue.
- There are three areas in the bra’s construction to support your breasts while lifting them away from your diaphragm – the cup, the band and the straps.
The cup:
Does it house your entire breast? Is there any flesh spilling over the top, oozing out the sides or hanging under the band? Your breasts should look smooth and youthful when the tee shirt is worn. If there are a couple of fleshy pockets on top of the bra making you look as though you have sprouted four breasts, or if your two breasts seem to have morphed into a monoboob then try a bigger cup size. Most of us compress our too-large breasts into too-shallow cups. There is nothing wrong with going up a cup size or two to get the correct fit. The cup should encase and lie flat against the breast without the fabric puckering. The breasts should look shapely and rounded; if they are on the larger side the cup should pull them off the ribcage. Many women have uneven sized breasts – one larger then the other. Fit the larger breast and fill the smaller cup with a silicone pad if necessary.
The band:
Does it feel snug? Where does it sit on your back? It’s the band, not the bra’s straps, that does most of the breast lifting. The band should fasten comfortably on the middle or loosest hooks and sit level across the small of the back beneath the shoulder blades. The band shouldn’t be so tight it digs into the flesh creating back cleavage.
The straps:
Does your bra stay up without the straps or are you constantly hoisting your bra straps to lift up your breasts? The bra straps are designed to do only 20 percent of the lifting; the band is designed to do the rest. If you seem to be always lifting and adjusting, you’re in the wrong bra. If you are pulling up the straps at the back and anchoring them with a safety pin (how unattractive and un-youthful is that?) or finish the day with huge red trenches on your shoulders where the straps have dug in you are definitely in the wrong bra.
Finding the right bra:
Bras are available to correct every breast issue known to woman. Bras are also available that will enhance and draw attention to any delightful features you want to highlight.
Do you have big boobs?
Most women in possession of large breasts (that they haven’t bought) will agree that it is not all it’s cracked up to be. Heavy breasts contribute to neck, shoulder and back problems, they make elegant dressing difficult as they tend to distort style lines, and contrary to popular belief most women with naturally big boobs do not feel sexy - most think they look fat.
Your ideal bra is nude coloured with full cups in a smooth fabric with underwiring. Avoid tizzy bras with lace and bows and bits and bobs. Smooth fabric broadens the bra’s versatility enabling you to wear it beneath most clothes, the full cup prevents spillage and underwiring gives forward and upward thrust! Thicker padded straps help stop red indentations on the shoulders. Minimizer bras are worth trying as they reduce bust size down a cup size or two.
Do you have small boobs?
If you are flat-chested or pigeon-chested you don’t have to resort to the bra with the most padding you can find.
Stick with nude colours, smooth fabric and underwiring to give the best definition. If you tend to be pigeon-chested (where the breasts point outwards leaving a raised bone in the centre) try a bra with silicon filling (commonly known as “chicken fillets”) in the side sections to bring the breasts nicely back to the middle. If your breasts are deflated; a bra providing side and underneath support to lift and shift everything back to the centre will be the one for you. The most worn and universally acclaimed bra for those who are challenged in the boobs department is the Wonderbra. It provides the ability to insert internal padding (chicken fillets) and create cleavage with a central tightening device.
Do you have baggy boobs?
You need a bra to cup, up and separate your breasts into two beautiful round slightly sloping orbs.
Look for a full cup underwired balcony bra, it’s the ideal bra to elevate and harness the bosom. Be wary of sales consultants who tell you a balcony bra is any half cup or ¾ cup bra. A true balcony bra has a full cup designed to lift the breasts off the diaphragm, and then shape and separate them. Most of us do not look good in anything less than a full sized cup encasing, lifting and enhancing each breast.
Do you have back cleavage?
Back cleavage comes from a poorly fitted bra that digs in so much that the flesh on the back wells up and spills over the band. Forget thin or spaghetti-fine bra straps that slice into your flesh because they aren’t broad enough. Look for a nude bra with wide, padded adjustable straps that distribute the pulling power over a decent area.
Do you need a sports bra?
A properly fitted sports bra minimises damage to the Cooper’s ligaments that give our breasts shape. During high impact exercise an unsupported 12B bust can bounce up to 8cm, and a 16DD bust can bounce up to a whopping 19cm. A well fitted sports bra can reduce breast bounce by up to 50%, so it is essential to wear a sports bra to maintain breast health. The Australian Institute of Sport has tested, used and approved the Berlei ‘Electrify’ underwired sports bra, so if you are an exercise girl it’s worth trying.
Have you had breast surgery?
At last high quality breast forms that allow constant absorption and release of warmth to maintain a comfortable body temperature are available. Specialist companies have developed lingerie, swimwear and loungewear to restore a positive body image, and revive self esteem and self confidence following mastectomy, breast reconstruction or breast conserving surgery. Amoena bras are attractive, non detectable and come in smooth or lacy styles and in nude, black and white colours so they are worth trying. Some department stores have fitting specialists available by appointment.
Have you had breast enhancements?
You are probably having the time of your life and enjoying every moment of your boobage! For beautiful cleavage try a plunge bra - ¾ cup or a balconnet bra which is also ¾ cup. You go girl!
Bra-vado!
Many of us don’t put on our bra properly even though we’ve been wearing one since high school! Perhaps the blame lies in communal changing rooms where we hooked the white cotton trainer bra in front, twisted it around to the back and squirmed our arms between the straps, all the time hoping like hell that none of our classmates would notice us!
Hooking the bra in the front and then twisting it to the back causes the band to stretch and reduces the life of the bra.
Put on your bra with the hook at the back. Fiddle around and clasp the hooks and eyes together. It takes a little practice and perseverance but connecting your bra at the back will seriously extend its longevity.
Lean over and scoop your breast into each cup, centre the nipple so it sits in the foremost cap of the bra facing forwards and slightly upwards. Adjust each breast so it is separated from the other and ensure the tops look full and blooming! The uniboob is so uncool!
A bra will last longer if it is not worn two days in a row. Body warmth relaxes the fibres in the fabric; constant wear reduces the bra’s firmness, allow a day between wearing for the fabric to bounce back.
We no longer have to put up with nipple freeze (nor do we need to jam the bra full of make-up remover pads to disguise it!). Someone has invented little silicon nude gel petals with scalloped edges that stick smoothly to the nipples and can be worn many times. Fabulous! Bras with built-in petals are available for those of us who are continually plagued by nipple-freeze or you could purchase a set of individual fabric petals to stitch into a bra yourself. Disposable nipple concealers come in packs of 5 pairs and are perfect anytime you need to quickly de-perkify. Disposable discretion in a box!
An errant bra strap slipping down the upper arm looks sloppy, not sexy. A bra strap showing outside a skimpy-shouldered top is not sensual. Banish slippage with a padded elastic band that ties the straps together at the back. Or pin the bra straps to the shoulder seams of your top, or buy bra strap carriers that attach to the shoulder seam of your top with a safety pin and hook around your bra strap.
If you want to hide bra straps when you wear a strapless top, tuck the straps into your bra and attach clear stretchy straps. Or cut off the original straps instead of tucking them in and stitch clear straps onto your bra where the original straps have been – but that’s a bit extreme! It is more youthful to wear a great strapless bra. The days of the strapless bra creeping its way down to meet your knickers are gone. Newer strapless bras have comfortable stretchy rubber edges that stick to the skin and keep the bra where it’s supposed to be. If slippage is still an issue, use double sided body tape to secure the bra in place.
A bra converting clip made by Hollywood Fashion Tape Inc. is perfect to convert any bra to a cross over style. The clip slips under the loosened bra straps and pulls them together so the straps form a cross over look at the back.
Inserts enhance, correct and flatter the breasts. They lift, squeeze, and separate and come in different materials – a silicon pad gives a realistic appearance, but foam and padded inserts are equally effective. If you are concerned about an insert moving around secure it in place with double sided body tape or fabric tape. Don’t forget inserts when you are buying swimwear, many inserts are waterproof and some swimwear cups have insert pockets.
Launder underwear inside out. Obviously the inside of a garment lies closest to the skin and this is where it picks up most soil.
Place underwired bras in a nylon net laundry bag when underwear is being machine washed. The laundry bag will contain the underwire if it works its way out of its channel and prevent it from getting caught and damaging the drum of your washing machine. Nylon net laundry bags are inexpensive and are often to be found on clip strips in supermarket aisles. Use cool water to help elastic retain stretchiness, and a delicate soap such as Lux Flakes to hand-wash your lingerie. Rinse well to remove soap residue.
Purge the underwear drawer!
It’s hard to say goodbye to old lingerie friends, but the bikini briefs that came in a pack of three, the odd-coloured lace bra, the faithful old cottontails that have gone grey, anything embellished with ribbon roses and the granny bloomers have gotta go! You are going to be so youthful and so gorgeous from now on!
This plan takes the best part of an afternoon, depending on the quantity of underwear you possess, and how easily you can let go of the old stuff.
Here’s the plan:
Take your underwear drawer from the bureau and dump the entire contents on the bed.
Sort it into categories – bras, knickers, camisoles, slips, shapers etc.
Some of the garments will be obvious “keepers”. You’ll know which pieces these are, they fit well, they feel fabulous and you wear them on a day when you want to look effortlessly chic. Put these pieces back into the drawer.
The Toss Test
Old fashioned girdles, corsets (God forbid!) bike shorts, petticoats, body stockings, witches britches and leotards are antiquated relics of a bygone era when we subjected ourselves to torture in pursuit of glorious thinness. They are dated and have to go.
Throw any obvious discards (basically any piece of underwear regardless of the cost, that hasn’t been on your body for years) onto a pile to go out as rubbish. If you have difficulty parting with the discards put them into a plastic container or bag, seal it, and label it with the date. Stow it away where you don’t have easy access to it – beneath a bed or high in a cupboard. If, after a year from the date on the label, you haven’t raided the contents or sought out any pieces, toss the lot out. You haven’t worn them, you don’t need them.
Try on the garments that you can’t decide whether to toss or not. Saying farewell to old friends is easier when you know why they must be moved on.
Start with garments intended for the torso. Put each garment on beneath a pair of white pants (the tighter the better for this test!) and look at your reflection from all sides.· Did you have to squirm, heave and struggle to get into the under-garment?
- Now that you’ve got it on can you breathe normally?
- How’s the wear and tear? Are there hooks missing or bits sticking out?
- What about the stretch? Is there any left? How much?
- Does your skin ooze over the bands?
- Is the fabric so thick that it’s adding visual weight?
- Do the seams show through the pants?
- Are bands cutting off your circulation making you feel like a sausage?
- Does the garment have lots of irritating bits and pieces – embellishments, hooks, ties, zips, buttons, bows or ribbon roses?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions it’s time to toss!
Now try on the questionable bras. Put a white tee shirt or pale coloured tee shirt over each one and be honest about the shape the bra gives you.
- Is the bra tired, grey or shabby?
- Has the shape stretched beyond recognition?
- Do you spill out over the top or the sides or slip out underneath?
- Is it too tight? Does it give you a monoboob?
- Do the cups pucker?
- Does lace or other embellishment show through the tee shirt?
- Is the underwire stabbing you? Is it poking out somewhere? Is the underwire still there?
- Is the fabric so fine that it shows your nipples?
- Do you still hang low when the straps are tightened?
- Would a teenager wear it?
- Would your mother or grandmother wear it?
- What colour is it?
- Would you be embarrassed to be seen wearing it in the fitting rooms, locker room or the changing room at the pool?
Bikini briefs, cami-knickers, cotton tails and full sized granny pants have to go; even if you are a granny you don’t have to dress like one. Any big bloomers that cover not only your bum but also your tum and most of your lower torso must be purged from your drawer and your life. Make a vow to yourself that from now on all your lingerie will be youthful, nude coloured or black!
Try on all other pairs of knickers and do a twirl in front of a full length mirror to check the rear view. To help assess VPL (visible panty line) pull a pair of white pants over each pair of knickers when you try them on.
- Do they look shabby? Have they gone grey? Are they old and tired?
- Have they lost their stretch? Are they patchy? Has the elastic shirred?
- Do the leg bands dig into your thigh flesh or anywhere else? Does the waistband dig in so much that you end up with a muffin top or love handles?
- Has the seat lost its elasticity? Did the fabric have elasticity in the first place? Is the gusset stained?
- Does it give you VPL? Anywhere?
Are there embellishments – words, arrows, cutie animals, hearts, bows, fruit, embroidery, lace, etc? - What colour is it? Does the colour show through the white pants?
- Would a stripper perform in it?
- Would you be mortified if the team from Young Doctors (or the equivalent) saw you in it?
Start wearing thongs! If you haven’t previously worn a thong expect to test drive it a few times before you get used to it. Thongs should be the axis of your youthful knickers collection and the automatic no-brainer choice of underwear beneath jeans or pants. Thongs totally eliminate VPL which is VOL (Very Old Lady!). The best are those that dip with a V-waist in the front and in the back, preventing exposure.
Can’t bear the thought of a thong or G-string? That’s okay, but do wear knickers with a soft flat finish to ensure invisibility beneath your clothes. Embellishments such as lacy leg elastic are likely to show through and detract from the outer garment lines. High waisted knickers are perfect under dresses, knickers with a dipped waistline front and back are perfect under jeans.
The last word is on petticoats – and most of us have an old petticoat or two languishing at the back of the underwear drawer. It has probably been quite a decorative number in its day - embellished with lace or embroidery at the bust line and around the hem, there may be a teeny flower or two stitched onto the straps, it’s likely to be shell pink or perfect peach, and more often than not it requires repairs. Realistically it’s a relic that’s overdue for replacement! Out it must go!
An exception is the sexy vintage underwear-as-outerwear petticoat. But will you really wear it? If you won’t, do you know someone who will?
Newer petticoats are called ‘body slips’. A body slip is a comfortable all over body hugger, simple in shape, without embellishment, with adjustable straps in fabric so sleek and finely woven that you feel as though you have nothing on. Buy nude, or black, or both!
Retail details and magic products
Shapewear
Ambra ‘Killer Figure’ shapewear: Killer boyleg briefs $22, Waist Killer full brief $20, Waist killer butt shaping shorts $25 from Myer.
Nancy Ganz Body: full slip dress $150, hi Waist Belly Buster Briefs $60 (in sizes 20-24).
Pantyhose:
Ambra Better than Bare ‘no toes’ pantyhose, 8 denier appearance with the strength of 15 deniers, in 3 colourways from Myer Department stores. About $8 – often on special or on sale. To find your nearest stockist www.ambra.net.au
Kaiser Platinum Bare Toeless Pantyhose – sensuous and ultra sheer, 8 denier appearance with 10 denier strength, around $8 on special – Myer Department Stores or to find your nearest stockist call 1800 810449 Kaiser customer service line.
Levante Class regular brief pantyhose, gloss leg look, made in Italy, 12 denier appearance, around $15, Myer Department stores
Voodoo shine sheer to waist pantyhose, 15 denier ultra sheer around $11 from Myer Department stores or try www.kolotex.com.au/voodoo to find the stockist nearest you.
Leg Make-up
Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs, David Jones, 3 colourways, $15
Specialist Bras:
Amoena for breast forms and specialist lingerie following breast surgery; call Amoena Customer Care line 1800 773 285 for stockists.
Pleasure State My Fit from Myer, Plunge Bra DD to G cups $60, Balconnet DD to G $60.
Berlei underwire sports bra ‘Electrify’ with mesh detail, $50 tested and approved by the Australian Institute of Sport.
Miscellaneous
Hollywood No-Shows - Disposable Nipple Concealers $20 for a pack of 5 pairs from Priceline www.priceline.com.au
Hollywood Hook-ups Clear Bra Converting Clip $10, from Priceline.
Hollywood Tape 36 strips in a pack $20 from Priceline
Hollywood Tape original $20
Knickers
Berlei Barely There briefs, G-String, Jeanious (to wear beneath mid-low rise jeans) and Full Brief knickers. www.berlei.com.au
