Day 15. Secret Women’s Business

Day 15. Secret Women’s Business


The number one thing that only women understand? Other women!

Cancer may seem an odd topic to discuss in an image blog, but many of us are encountering it close up for the first time. It may be that a friend or a family member is battling the disease, or our own experience – with cancer or another chronic illness..



The secret of what to say

Devastating news often divests our thought processes and it’s not unusual to be lost for words when a friend or family member says they have cancer. Obviously this is not the time for light-hearted comments or throwaway lines, simply say from your heart how sorry you are to hear such news and then ask how you can help.



Many different drugs and treatments are used to combat the disease, and the dosage and degree from the effects vary from person to person. Some chemotherapy treatments prevent other cells within the body from functioning while the treatment works its magic to stop the cancer cells from dividing.



Cancer treatment or having cancer itself can shatter the sufferer’s perception of her own attractiveness.

The gift of a beauty remedy or beauty treatment is a small thing to help your friend through a very difficult time.

Hair loss

Not all chemotherapy treatments cause hair loss but many do, and the loss can occur from the head, elsewhere on the body, or both. Many women are severely traumatised by such an assault on their self esteem.

Offer to accompany your friend to the hairdresser to have her hair cut prior to start of her chemotherapy treatment. Encourage her to have a short trendy style that will grow back quite quickly and give her something to look forward to once her course of treatment is completed.

She may prefer to purchase a wig to conceal hair loss and keep her head warm while she is undergoing chemotherapy. Go shopping with her. It is easier to match the hair colour and texture prior to treatment. Some medical insurance providers cover the cost of a wig. This might be the opportunity to try out another “hair persona” – for example a blonde may consider becoming a redhead. Real hair wigs look the most natural; synthetic wigs cost less and are cooler, easier to wash, and more comfortable to wear.

A beautiful scarf or hat is a thoughtful gift. Aqua is a universal colour that suits everybody. Some women prefer to go au naturel, but the season should be considered –30% of our body heat is lost through the scalp.

Hair often thins during chemotherapy and this is where hair extensions are useful to increase length and add volume, and the result is instant! Different widths are attached to the natural hair with small metal snaps that can be inserted and removed from the hair during treatment if need be. Extensions can be washed, coloured, cut, curled and heat-styled.

Saltwater spray products add extra body and volume to thinning hair. A textured, beach- blown look reminiscent of hair that has been in and out of the sea can be achieved with artful arranging of the strands.

A stylish friend accumulated a wardrobe of gorgeous scarves she wore with panache while undergoing chemotherapy. She wore the scarves with the ends flowing down her back or wound into a high thick turban she embellished with a glittery broach or she caught the scarf at the nape of her neck in an elegant knot. My friend’s hair grew back when her treatment finished, and she has absolutely refused to wear any sort of scarf since. That was twenty five years ago!



Skin

Some types of chemotherapy cause hyper pigmentation which darkens the skin or gives it an orange tinge. This can happen in localized areas such as the knees, elbows and soles of the feet, or it may occur all over and look like a patchy spray tan. Our skin needs to be totally protected from the sun for the duration of chemotherapy and radiation treatments when it is also vulnerable to infection. Direct exposure to temperature extremes such as very hot or cold baths can cause the skin to flake and thin. The use of a safety razor increases the chance of small nicks and cuts that can become infected because the body’s immune system is compromised. An electric razor is an obvious and safer alternative.

It is risky gifting skin creams or moisturizers to anyone undergoing radiation treatment. Cancer clinics recommend Sorbolene, an inexpensive, simple, pure, fragrance-free, colour-free moisturizer that’s generally safe to use on skin being subjected to radiation. Other creams such as Keri Lotion are nourishing and formulated to nourish dry and flaky skin. A small collection of skin care –pure skin cream, soothing oil and a pure and simple soap in an attractive gift box is a thoughtful gift.

Avoid fragranced or shiny creams. They look and smell gorgeous but they contain minute metallic light-reflecting particles that make the cream shimmer and shine. The radiation procedure can heat the miniscule metal particles and cause the skin to blister and burn.

In fact, the use of any skin product immediately prior to radiation is unwise. Creams, lotions and oils all can move around the markings the radiographer makes on the skin, causing inaccurate placement of the radiation equipment.

Chemotherapy, radiation treatment or cancer itself may cause pruritus or itchiness which, like hyper pigmentation, can be localized or it can occur all over the body. During radiation treatment the skin is sensitive, easily irritated and more likely to blister. It responds best to gentle handling. No scrubbing, exfoliants, loofahs, body scrubs, nylon knit gloves, nylon mesh sponge balls or aggressive skin care products.

Ingredients for a pampering oatmeal bath are an inexpensive gift to soothe fragile itchy skin. Fill a muslin bag, cheesecloth square or a pretty organza jewellery bag with a handful of raw oatmeal (porridge) and tie it off with a ribbon that can be looped over a tap. Swish the bag through a warm bath before having a soak. Squeeze the bag out and apply as a natural poultice to relieve any really itchy areas.

Nails

Certain chemotherapy drugs such as paclitaxel and docetaxel, may cause ‘Beau’s lines’ on the fingernails. These white lines run horizontally across the nail. They eventually go away or grow out.

How about treating your friend to a professional manicure? She might appreciate a pedicure at the same time. Take your own sterilized tools to avoid infections, or speak with the nail technician prior to your appointment, discuss the situation and verify that any instruments will be sterilized.

Put together a small “pamper hamper” for your friend. Buy nail clippers, a packet of emery boards, cuticle scissors, hand cream and a bottle of light coloured crème nail polish and pop them into a cellophane bag and tie it with a ribbon.

Appetite

Many cancer patients lose their sense of taste especially if treatment is centred on the upper body, neck or facial area. This often happens when the course of treatment is well underway.

Favourite foods lose their appeal, everything tastes or smells different and unappetizing – bland, soapy, oily, rubbery, sour, peppery, metallic or ‘like cardboard’ or ‘off perfume’.

Gifting an edible treat is unlikely to re-kindle a dulled appetite. In all likelihood your thoughtful (and probably expensive!) temptation will be devoured by the cancer sufferer’s family.

An alternative could be your handwritten I.O.U. promising to take your friend to an up-market coffee shop or gorgeous chocolate café when her taste buds have recovered. Sometimes the promise of an outing becomes something special to look forward to at a very ordinary time.

When I asked friends who have recovered from cancer what they most appreciated when they were undergoing treatment, they each said it was the gift of personal time.

One friend was grateful that her friends organised a transport roster, taking turns to convey her to and from the clinic where she underwent treatment. She said the knowledge that one of her buddies would be waiting to drive her home after radiation and chemotherapy medications made her feel less alone.

Another friend valued telephone calls, cards, text messages and emails from her family and friends. She said the continuous wishes of encouragement and love, prayers, little anecdotes and people’s thoughts helped sustain her throughout a long and difficult time.

Another enjoyed the chats, reminiscences and companionship she shared with friends who sat with her in the hospital while she received intravenous chemotherapy drugs. Their humour, support, optimism and firm encouragement lifted her spirit and heightened her determination to recover.

Remember that it’s a rotten time and the focus needs to be on the sufferer’s comfort.



The dreaded Mammogram and Pap Tests

Women who’ve undergone mammograms or Pap tests often complain that they can’t think of anything worse. Actually, there are worse things. One is the ordeal of cancer. It is very much worse.

Women in Australia have a 1 in 8 risk of developing breast cancer. The biggest risk factor is simply age; being over 50 years old. A mammogram can detect problems early - long before you notice any changes yourself.

The actual breast screen (mammogram) procedure is uncomfortable for the moments when each breast is flattened between two metal plates while the mammogram is taken, but it’s not invasive.

BreastScreen in Australia is a state government entity and every state has central breast screening locations. Mammograms are available free of charge to Australian women aged between 50 and 69 years. A reminder is sent every two years. Once you’ve been screened there is a 10 day wait for the results, which are posted to you. If any abnormality is detected you are asked to return for a second mammogram, the results of which are often available the same day. The radiographers, technicians and staff at the BreastScreen centres are pleasant, efficient, compassionate and discreet.



A pap smear test is also vitally important, but it is intrusive, undignified and having to undergo one is totally bleh! Pap smear tests can detect cervical cancer in the early stages, long before you or your doctor notice any changes.

Pap smear tests are done by a medical doctor in the surgery. There is no central location for Pap smears like there is for mammograms. Tell the doctor’s receptionist you require a Pap smear appointment. This will allow appropriate time allocation – a Pap smear takes longer than a usual quick consultation appointment. Doctors approach the procedure in different ways; discuss your concerns with the doctor to establish exactly what is going to happen.

As with mammograms, Pap smear tests are free to women over 50. Reminders are sent out every two years once you’re in the system.

Swallow your dignity and make sure you have regular mammograms and Pap smear tests. If nothing else, at least you are getting something back for all the tax dollars the government has relieved you of!

Cosmetic Surgery

Now here’s an interesting statistic – 65% of women seriously consider undergoing a cosmetic surgery procedure at some stage, but only 5% of those women actually go ahead with it.

• Shop around if you’re considering plastic surgery. Costs vary enormously. Most surgeons expect you to ask for testimonials and follow them up.

• Plastic surgery isn’t a guarantee that you are going to look more youthful. A face-lift may hoist out the wrinkles, but if, at the end of it all, you look as though you’ve had work done then everyone will assume you’re old enough to have had it done!

• Build a recovery period into your timetable.

The Big Hit Parade –10 things that are so not youthful or chic!

In our youth-obsessed society age is an issue. As we slip into the chasm of maturity we can tumble unwittingly into characteristics associated with middle age. You can look as youthful as all get out, but if you do any of the following you’ll be busted!

• Sauntering over pedestrian crossings and unnecessarily holding up the traffic.

• Faffing around in the car looking for the car park exit ticket (store it in a designated pocket in your handbag), reapplying your lipstick, fiddling around adjusting the seat belt, locating another radio station, inserting a new CD into the CD player and adjusting the car seat position - whilst another car is waiting for your car spot.

• Wearing your reading glasses dangling from a chain around your neck. Diamante chains count as old-looking too.

• Making statements beginning “In my day, When I was your age, When you get to my age, In the old days,” etc.

• Adopting sayings or words too young for us – such as “sick” in an attempt to be cool. Wait until the word or saying becomes main stream before you start trotting it out.

• Jargon; unless you are intimately linked with its origin, will always sound too try hard.

• Expletives date us. Younger people do not say “bloody”. They say “fuck”. A lot!

• Any action such as sitting down, getting up, alighting from a car or any activity that causes an audible “ooh, aaah or oomph” as you do so makes you seem very, very ancient.

• Words such as “snazzy, grouse, nifty or groovy” slot us into an older generation. Timeless adjectives – “fabulous, awesome, fantastic, and gorgeous” are alternatives that effortlessly sweep across the generations.

• Mature women have personally experienced many things. It’s very easy to be disparaging, derisive or sarcastic when confronted with an issue or situation we’ve seen before. Be alert, a belittling put down is interpreted as mean and petty and old lady-ish. Find an encouraging remark instead. Non judgmental acceptance and understanding is always youthful and appreciated



The Golden Rule across the board is the adage your mother taught you.

“If you can’t say anything nice; don’t say anything at all!”

If you’re a mother yourself you’ve probably instilled into your own children’s psyche!

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Use it or lose it!

When the Australian Women’s Weekly magazine conducted their Voice of Australian Women Survey, fear of memory loss was the major concern of 62% to the 15,000 participants. I am sure that women across the world must share this concern.

Researchers at the University of New South Wales found the amount of physical and mental exercise we do has an enormous bearing on how healthy the brain remains as we get older. The studies showed that people who keep actively involved in diverse interests, both mental and physical, and who participate in lots of activities from crosswords to martial arts have larger hippocampuses (the part of the brain controlling short-term memory and navigation skills) than those who are less active and whose shrinking hippocampuses are known to be a risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease.

Here are some of the things that will keep you in the game and help eliminate those CRAFT moments:

• Working out. Any exercise from walking to vigorous cardio activity four to six times a week raises levels of neuro proteins (brain food) which lead to better connected brain cells.

• Blueberries help improve short term recall and protect the brain’s memory storing cells. Eat some every day. It doesn’t matter whether you eat fresh, canned or frozen blueberries. Make a smoothie for breakfast with a handful of frozen blueberries, a ripe banana, a couple of heaped tablespoons of fat-free yoghurt, a pinch of nutmeg, a teaspoon of runny honey and a cup of skimmed or semi skimmed milk. Blend it all together.

• Turmeric helps increase brain function. Every now and then stir 1 teaspoon into soups, casseroles, sauces (and curries of course!).

• Red wine (about one glass per day) slows the build-up of plaque in the brain, reducing the risk of dementia.

• Analytical left brainers can activate their right brain by sketching, tracing and doodling. Studies show that doodling keeps you focussed during mundane activities so go ahead and release your inner Picasso!

• Intuitive and creative right brainers can activate their left half with crossword puzzles, word jumbles and Sudoku.

• Talking to someone for at least 10 minutes increases the memory as much as a brainteaser puzzle does. Make sure you do some of the talking and not all the listening which is one of the traps we fall into as we age.

• Do you name drop? There are many theories why we forget a person’s name after an introduction. To help prevent the name from dropping out of your mind repeat it in the conversation as soon as possible and as often as possible after you’ve been introduced. In other words – use it or lose it!

Secrets of coping with children-in-law

It is unlikely your child’s partner will be, or will ever become, your best friend.

The opportunities to fall out with our children-in-law are limitless, but most family feuds can be diverted with a little fore-planning and bucket loads of diplomacy, respect and tact!

As we know, most things have a way of working themselves out with time. To avoid offence, both real and imagined, here’s the heads up on some of the measures you can take. And if all else fails, close your lips and bite your tongue until your mouth fills with blood!

Chinese Whispers

It is extremely unwise to criticize your child’s partner. To anyone! You can bet your bottom dollar that whatever you say, even in the strictest confidence, will get out. Your words will be magnified, exaggerated, convoluted and dissected. And then they will find their way back to the person you were talking about. Criticism doesn’t endear us to anyone; and it causes deep rifts within families.

I know someone who for years blurted out every single unkind thought that came into her head about her daughter’s partner. Whacko, away she went! When she was confronted she used the excuse that it’s just how she is and she can’t help it. Eventually she shut up, but not before irreversible damage was done!

It’s no consolation that a soft heart lies beneath hard comments. It’s the out-there-mean words that are remembered.

Refrain from articulating unkind thoughts and never write them down!

Focus on all the good points in the relationship your child shares with the partner and elevate and magnify those.

Loving and sharing, giving and kind.

Finding acceptable an gift for your child’s partner can often be a challenge; the most well-ntentioned gift can so easily be misinterpreted as criticism or disapproval.

• A magazine subscription is a reasonably priced present that indicates you’ve put thought and effort into. Pop the subscription notification inside a really great card, not one of those one dollar photographic cards that every young person knows cost a dollar.

• Check out weekend markets for interesting and unusual tems. Look out for potpourri sachets or lavender pillows, jewellery (a bracelet is less personal than a necklace, ring or earrings), scarves, key holders or handcrafted items such as sunglass cases, jewellery or travel pouches, belts, or scented candles in simple, attractive candleholders.

• Items such as handmade soaps can be tricky; apart from the implication the recipient might be slightly on the nose, if the soap has been made from scratch and contains lye it could react upon the recipient’s skin.

• A plant in a pot is a neutral gift. Do resist the temptation to follow up a few weeks later with solicitous enquiries about the plant’s wellbeing! Bonsai trees are best left to the experienced Bonsai enthusiast who knows how to care for them and has the time to do so.

• Photo frames are items people tend not to buy for themselves and therefore make a great gift. Locate (or download) a photograph of the partner with your child to put into the frame.

• Failing all else, a gift voucher is a rather unimaginative but quite acceptable present. Check the store has a branch or outlet nearby where the voucher can be redeemed, and give the voucher in an attractive card, not a tacky white envelope! A surprising statistic from one of Australia’s leading department stores – 35% of the gift vouchers sold annually are never redeemed.

• Keep the receipt when you give a surprise.

Grandchildren

If you want your grandchildren to wear a garment you’ve knitted, crocheted or sewn; or if you want them to use or play with an item you’ve made; discuss the project with their mother before you embark on it.

If you lovingly create something and the mother doesn’t like the colour, fabric, texture or anything else about it, the article may never see the light of day once you’ve handed it over. So, involve the mum. Ask for colour preferences, show her samples of materials you intend to use and reconfirm sizes. If she seems non-committal, disinterested or unenthusiastic, then read the signs she doesn’t want her child to have the item. You could suggest an alternative, but in all honesty it’s better to abandon the idea, keep your money in your pocket and think of something else to make later.

Women’s secrets – the heads up

• To retain the of depth of colour in black clothes launder them in fabric softener or Radiant Black Clothes Wash. Washing powders and washing liquids often contain bleach.

• Check out $2 (one pound) stores for interesting stocking fillers such as headbands, lip gloss, belts and eyebrow tweezers.

• Safety pins are our secret little treasures! Secure the underside of a cross-over top to one cup of your bra with a small safety pin; it is undetectable and infinitely more preferable than pinning the cross-over in the centre at your cleavage where it is very obvious.

• Use a couple of small safety pins to secure shoulder pads to the shoulder seam of a dress or top to prevent the shoulder pads slipping around. Velcro damages your bra straps.

• Dab a little toothpaste on sudden skin break outs. Toothpaste also bleaches nicotine stains around the mouth. Quitting smoking works better!

• A squirt of hairspray temporarily halts a ladder in pantyhose.

• Use a nylon net ball (from a clip-strip in the supermarket aisles) to clean shower tiles and the shower screen.

• Soap-free gel such as ‘Radox Oxygen’ won’t build up soap scum on the tiles or glass shower screen.

• A golf ball stuffed into the toes of too-tight shoes can help to stretch them.

• Remove chewing gum by hardening the item it is stuck to in the freezer. If the article won’t fit into the freezer (such as a chair!) run ice over the chewing gum in situ and then scrape it off.

Cosmetics – Down to the last drop!

We expect a certain level of commitment from cosmetic products and it’s a nuisance when they stop delivering – this usually happens when they’re nearing the end of their life and about to break up. Here’s how to eek out the max from some cosmetics:

• If lipstick, eye liner pencils and lip liner pencils soften and start to melt in the heat use your fingertips to re-shape them then pop them in the fridge overnight to harden.

• Put lip liner and eye liner pencils in the freezer for 10 minutes prior to sharpening them and you won’t waste that soft chunk of colour that gets stuck in the sharpener blade.

• To realign a lipstick that’s snapped heat the broken sides of each half over a candle flame for a few seconds (no more, or the lipstick will get sooty from the candle) and press the warmed sides together. Set it in the fridge.

• A drop or two of nail polish remover poured into thickened nail polish will allow you to use it one more time. Give it a good shake.

• If the cap of a nail polish bottle glues itself shut, wipe a smear of Vaseline around the top of the bottle before you close it next time and it will open easily.

• Clean a mascara wand with a dab of Vaseline applied with your finger, then wipe it off with a clean fabric rag (tissues flake and get stuck to the brush). Don’t use soap and water to clean a mascara wand however tempting it may be, soap can irritate the eyes and water can carry bacteria into the mascara. Mascara should be replaced every four months.

• To get the last drop from a plastic tube of liquid foundation or tinted moisturizer when no more can be squeezed out, cut the tube in half. You’ll find at least another spoonful clinging to the sides of the tube. Scoop it out and store it in a mini travel pot.

That's it for the moment! Next time we enter the world of High Flyers - Intrepid Travel. We look at getting the most out of your suitcase space, how to combine 13 garments and create 114 outfits, altitude with attitude, air travel and how to arrive at your destination looking a million dollars plus a few of the pitfalls we can encounter during our travels. We also delve into the world of shopping for swimwear and re-vamping swimwear you already have. So, until then, kisses. Dawn.

Retail details and magic products

Hair thickening products

Salt Spray by Fudge, $18, from Priceline.

VO5 Surf Style Matte Effect Texturising Paste $5, from Coles

Diva Extensions, natural hair extensions that can be cut, coloured and styled just like your own hair. They come in different lengths – 12inches, 16 inches and 20 inches and cost from $230 to $480 plus the cost of a cut and style. Available from professional hairdressing salons. Contact www.g12hairstudio.com for a quote.

Add-on 40cm 100% Human Hair (2 extensions per pack) by Headlines Hairpieces $158 ph 1800 251.215 or www.headlineshairpieces.com.au

HairUWear 10 piece Clip-In Synthetic Extensions, $120 by Hairdo. www.hairdo.com.au

Body Lotions

Sorbelene Cream, fragrance free with 10% glycerene 600mls $3, Priceline’s own brand

Alpha Keri Lotion Dry Skin Treatment 1 litre, $16, Priceline and pharmacies

Sun Protection Products

Cancer Council Tinted Moisturizer contains SPF30 $12, from Priceline or The Cancer Council stores.

Face of Australia Tinted Moisturizer contains SPF25 in three colours – Light, medium and dark $12, from Priceline

BreastScreen is operated by every state government health service. There is no central national number. The New South Wales BreastScreen website is www.bsnsw.org.au and so on. Or try: www.cancerscreening.gov.au or phone 13 20 50 freecall.

Blueberries

Creative Gourmet Frozen Blueberries 500g $7.20 from Coles and Woolworths or try their own home brands which are a little cheaper and equally as good!

Frozberries, Frozen blueberries, 1kg $9, discounts available for bulk purchases, organic blueberries (frozen) 350g $6.50. www.frozberries.com.au